A New Day, Again

Last night we watched French Kiss (1995) in the backyard. I don't know why I had a copy, although I remember seeing it.

This has become a thing here in Arizona, backyard movies, and it's all my doing. I looked around this nice large, wide yard and thought, hmm. Give me an inch and I'll try to fit a movie screen in there, maybe.

It was directed by Lawrence Kasden (The Big Chill), and starred Kevin Kline and Meg Ryan. It's a romcom and pretty classic, very predictable, very sweet and warm, and mostly set in France, so. Nice scenery.

Meg Ryan plays essentially the same character as she did in When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle, but not so much like You've Got Mail. What can I say? It belongs in the Ryan romcom canon.

I could go on. Meg Ryan is to romcoms what Carole Lombard was to screwball comedies, and for the same reason – they made the model.

And she's done some fine work in more dramatic roles. You can laugh at me for loving sappy movies – I really do! We just watched Elizabethtown! – but don't get in my face about Meg Ryan. I would admire her for no other reason than she finally dumped her half of the idiot Quaid brothers.

Kevin Kline is a national treasure, shut up. It was fine movie, very romantic and a few good laughs in there.

There are several positive signs here, in an interesting sense; part of this is some irritation creeping in. If I'm getting annoyed at things, it means I want to do more. There's not even a question this is what's going on. I have more energy.

Energy is a hard word for me to use, just because it's vague and subjective. Energy feels like an emotion now – I don't understand it, and it seems too abstract to count on. I can't measure it. I can't tell you my level. Even my many health apps with their helpful metrics can't tell me anything useful in terms of predicting my day.

And I never assume today implies anything about tomorrow. I feel good today, that's about it.

I'm also champing a little at perceived dependence. I say perceived because, again, I get irritated when I start to feel better. I couldn't be more fortunate than good friends.

It just bothers me to have to ask for rides. I don't know what to do about this yet, although things have changed quickly. And Lori, the friend whose house I'm staying at, has several cars; one of them just needs some A/C work and then I could borrow it, so we'll see. I just can't walk to places the way I thought I might. Walking is off the table for the time being, I guess.

My brain rejects a lot of my suggestions. It can take some effort to talk myself into something these days. I just seem to resist, even though I know something sounds positive and fun.

The concept of pacing is probably the most important for me with this sickness, and as simple as it sounds I'm surprised at how instinctual it became to protect my energy stores. Part of this resistance I sense is that, I'm sure.

But I can be too cautious, and so far I haven't made any serious errors in terms of overdoing it since I came out here. And I'm doing so much more. It doesn't sound like much, but it's daily activity that I didn't have before.

I go to the gym and lift light weights, very easy stuff but I can feel it. I push nothing but I enjoy moving my body, and I usually get in 15 minutes or so on the recumbent bike. Sometimes I go in the pool. This is all amazing.

And the movies. The movies are important, because I love movies and I miss them. It's been really hard to sit down and watch anything longer than a 45-minute TV show. It does help that I usually have someone to watch with, but I'm getting better with focus and concentration. I've been reading the same damn book for two months, it seems, but I'm making progress.

When I have quiet times, which is still often, I've been making little fun ads for our upcoming 50th high school reunion in October. I can't help much, but I've made a bunch and they're fun. As always, it seems like every day I learn some new trick with graphics and video that I want to explore and play with. Thank goodness for hobbies.

And for writing. I have things to say, and I feel better saying them. Fingers crossed.