My So-Called Life

I ordered groceries yesterday, spontaneously, realizing I was snack-less and that just won't do. I tossed in a few staples but really? Snack delivery.

I didn't try to bring it in at once. I don't really mind making multiple trips to do things these days – it keeps me moving and I really like to move. My brain always wakes up a little.

So I brought in some croissants, you know, and a couple of freezer things, and then two gallons of milk and that, boys and girls, is how we find out our limitations.

Two gallons of anything weighs 16 pounds, and apparently I'm good for only half of that. We had a nice milk clean-up on aisle everywhere; considering that the entire floor there is being replaced next week, it was hardly a big accident. Just another pin on the map of the missing man.

I told Julie the other day that she needed to remind me to take my cane when I went outside to walk around, as I try to do. It's really hilly and I need the help.

What was funny, though, was that my plan was to do a few laps, try to get in some movement without ending up down the street, sitting on a curb, calling for an Uber.

Turned out to be a lap. By the time I made a circle, I was done for a while. I made another lap later on, and this isn't a bad idea, but it's funny how even now I imagine I'm capable of living my old life. At least when it comes to groceries.

I don't think 16 pounds is an impossible lift for me, not at all. It was just holding the two gallons by the handles and it slipped out of my fingers. But it wasn't an accident.

I read an interview this morning with an epidemiologist with LC. I've noted a few physicians with this, and it's always interesting when they become patients. This lady had become an advocate, as others have done. It makes sense to me.

But she described a classic remission – for her, it came after a vaccine, which has happened to others. Suddenly she felt fantastic and could do things again, walk, be social, work. And then, bit by bit, it all came back.

Covid can break your heart this way. Toward the end of 2023, I had the same experience. I was cured! I did some many things I couldn't have even imagined a few months before. I went to church on Christmas Eve and babbled like an idiot, I was so happy to be around people.

It's embarrassing, honestly. I was so sure. It sort of felt like an addiction relapse – no one has your back if you start using again, and I wondered if people had just given up, not understanding. It's not like I understood.

I got Covid 1034 days ago. There's a clear demarcation for me – there is Life Before, and now This. We are resilient creatures, and I feel pretty resilient myself. It's just unexpected, but it is what it is. No use crying over spilled milk.