Avoiding the Devil’s Workshop

I do a lot of housework. Or, really, a lot of what I do is housework. Because it’s something I can do.

The first couple of years, I had lots of routines to give my days structure. Not only personal hygiene stuff (but that was important), but chores around the house. A lot of them I was already doing, but sort of randomly. I had a housework calendar, and all those things that we could let slide? Dusting, deep cleaning the microwave, just your basic bathroom maintenance — I did it like clockwork, and while it’s not a lot it made a difference. Bathrooms that always sparkle are kind of a treat, and not that hard if you do something once a day.

Here’s the thing — today I swept the kitchen floor, wiped off the counters, ran the dishwasher, got rid of some old veggies in the fridge, cleaned the upstairs bathrooms fairly thoroughly, straightened up the living room, and did some light vacuuming.

This is really about an hour of work, although it’s nearly 3pm and I just finished. It’s the sort of thing one might do before or after work, just to keep things OK until the” weekend.

It wore me out. And not in the good-kind-of-tired way. In the whoops-maybe-I-went-too-far way.

I took plenty of breaks, but this is just life now. Very slow and very small.

It’s a nice sense of accomplishment (oh! I also washed the bedding), although, again, it’s maintenance. There’s nothing anyone would notice offhand. The faucets are shiny, that’s about it. But it feels good to do, even if I’m barely functional now.

Sweeping feels like rowing, at least after I’m done. Rowing or weightlifting. My arms feel incredibly heavy, and that’s most of the fatigue I think. I went up and down the stairs more than a few times also.

Now Playing

I’m grateful to all those friends who pointed me toward Slow Horses. I was skeptical but it turned out to be just the sort of thing I like to watch these days, action and intrigue, and if it gets confusing I figure it’ll all work out.

These are the things I can do. I can keep to a schedule so I don’t lose track of days. I can push myself a bit to see where my limitations pop up. I can practice watching so my brain doesn’t freak out at the prospect of following a plot.

I can’t watch live sports for long unless I absolutely don’t care about the outcome; I tend to watch replays or recaps. I listen on the radio a lot, which feels old-fashioned but works the same way (and is the best way to follow baseball IMO).

I also force myself to listen to music, because I just forget and go all day in silence. Not good.

And what I think I need to do now is write more. I need to practice that, too.

Because I need to so something, you know? I was never going to be a golfer but all sports are off the table anyway. I can’t volunteer somewhere for many reasons, but the big one is I can’t commit to anything; I don’t know how I’ll feel.

I’m oddly confident that something will come to me, though. Some idea, some project, some plan. I don’t want to learn calligraphy or become fluent in Latin. I’m not going to take up woodworking or model making.

But there’s something, I know. I’m fond of Mr. Miyagi-ing myself, watching and doing and learning all these random, disconnected things until one day it clicks and I figure out what I want to do. I’ve been pretty random. Maybe I’ve got wax on/wax off down. I’ll keep you posted. I need the practice, as I said.